The Manny Poppins Phenomenon

Childcare is no more a career for the girls. Male nannies or mannies, as they are known, are increasingly invading what can almost exclusively be considered as a female turf. Working mothers are increasingly open to the idea of hiring mannies rather than nannies.

According to a survey, eight of ten parents replied that hiring a manny is more acceptable today than it was ten years ago. 94 percent of respondents said they would surely consider hiring a manny to take care of their children. And about 20 percent said someone they knew actually had a manny.

According to an October 2009 survey by Children’s Workforce Development Council, mannies form a miniscule 1 percent of over 30,000 registered nannies working in England. Though this number is small, what is worth noting is that more males are looking at childcare as a long term career option and have a strong commitment towards working with children.

Another trend in nanny business is mushrooming of agencies specialising in male nannies. Though there is a societal prejudice over males entering childminding business, the manny population is on a steady rise.

Some celebrities like Britney Spears, Jemima Khan and Gwyneth Paltrow are among those who hired the services of a manny and certainly had the media talk about it but there is also a general surge in the public interest about manny services. So why is there a sudden interest in manny poppins phenomenon?

Matthew Black, who has been in manny business for eight years, said that the threat of an attractive female spending so much time in the house is an issue to working mothers. Male nannies, on the other hand, do not offer any titillation to fathers and do not stoke the natural female insecurity, jealousy and suspicion in anxious mothers.

Mothers are also happy that their boys are at more ease with a manny than a nanny. Mannies do not mind to go out, get a little dirty and play with the kids a lot more than nannies who just tolerate the boys. Young boys relate to their female nannies as an extension of their mom rather than simply a girl. But with a manny, it’s different. He is like their elder brother and the kids tend to be completely at ease with him.

“The attitudes are really changing. Earlier when someone hears the words male nanny, the first thing that would probably come to their mind is paedophilia. Such popular anxiety is lessening and now people view a manny with more respect and admiration. The bottom line is, man or woman, anyone can do anything to your kid. To think that only men can be sexual predators and female nannies are safe can give you a false sense of security but this is not true,” Black said.

He has a point. The idea that male nannies might be a sexual threat to children is overblown. A 1988 study by Crimes Against Children Research Centre at New Hampshire found that women are more likely to abuse children at daycares than males. Another 1995 academic research paper found that 23 percent of female sexual abusers were babysitters and 8 percent were teachers, only 8 percent of the male sexual abusers were babysitters and none were teachers. A 1997 BBC report found that 86 percent of sexual- abuse victims were not believed when they complained that their abusers were actually women.

Male nannies realise that they are entering what is traditionally a female bastion and hence put a lot more effort than nannies in doing their job. They usually have more education and experience and hence a more verifiable history than nannies. The natural hesitation over male nannies also drives agencies to conduct a more thorough background check and ensures only the most qualified come out on the top.

Homework: For and Against

A couple of weeks ago during an interview on BBC Radio 5 Live with his wife Ruth Lansford, the broadcaster Eamonn Holmes said that he absolutely “hated” homework. Ruth didn’t offer her opinion, but you sensed she didn’t think homework was such a bad thing. The radio presenter laughed along with Eamonn’s rant and pointed out to him that supplementary work at home was thought to be a good thing for children, but his words fell on deaf ears. Eamonn argued that homework put even more pressure on parents. They arrived home from a busy day only to have to sit down and help their kids with homework that more often than not, they were unable to do themselves. Here, his wife Ruth agreed, she was useless at maths and Eamonn couldn’t get his head around geography! Homework, said Eamonn, “should be banned”.

The benefits
So where do you stand on the homework debate? It is said that supplementing school work reinforces what has been learnt during the school day. And how well children perform at homework does, to a large extent, depend on parental support. In households where parents are disinterested in homework or school in general, children are less likely to complete the tasks expected of them or to score very highly. Parental backing is crucial then if the lessons taught at school are to be drilled home at home.

Parents have pressure enough
These days, with more and more parents working, it does become difficult to set aside time for homework. It can feel like an additional chore, to echo Mr Holmes’ remarks. Anne-Marie, mother to Zara, 9 and Rory, 7, says that “It takes me all I can do to get a meal on the table when I get in from work, never mind finding the time to get homework done”. Often children have to be cajoled into doing the work having already spent the day at school. She adds: “We find it another stress: arguing with the kids that it has to be done and arguing with each other [her partner] about whose turn it is to do it”. Her sentiments will resonate with parents in a similar situation. Although you encourage your child to do well at school, homework becomes more work for you at home.

Time out
Others argue that children spend enough time at school; after school is for playing sports or participating in other activities or simply just hanging out with their friends. One parent we spoke to felt that children at least ought to be given a break from homework at weekends. Of course, older children with exams on the horizon will need to do homework to supplement school projects and for revision purposes. But perhaps children of primary school age should be allowed free time once school is out.

For and Against
From a purely academic point of view, it is said that giving primary school children homework can help develop good study habits and foster positive attitudes to schoolwork. It may also improve their academic achievement. The difference in test scores and grades between students who do more homework and those who do less increases as students move up in years. However, as one of the parents we surveyed said “They [children] will know all about the world of work in adulthood. Homework just prolongs the school day”. In conclusion then, if school days are to be the happiest of their lives maybe it’s not wise to pile on the homework!

Pink Princesses and Mucky Boys

Which one are you?
Perhaps you’re one of those parents (is it mostly mums?) who encourage their little girl to dress up as a princess or a fairy; nowadays it’s not unusual to see girls wearing these kinds of costumes, particularly at Birthday parties and other celebrations. Or perhaps you’re a parent who has decided to take a stand of sorts. You’re determined to see to it that your little girl isn’t given a princess dress and you encourage her to muck about and play with trucks as well as dolls; you say you don’t want her becoming too much of a “girlie” girl. This approach to bringing up girls might not influence their behaviour as much as you think. Recent research indicates that traditional stereotypes of what it is to be a girl or a boy are deeply ingrained in our culture.

This article takes a closer look at this study, undertaken in Ireland, and concludes by suggesting how parents and childcarers can help children pursue interests they enjoy regardless of whether they are considered “girls” or “boys” activities. First, let’s look at the lengths a Canadian couple has gone to in order to ensure that their new baby is “free” to behave as s/he wishes, unconstrained by society’s expectations of how s/he ought to be.

A “gender-free” baby
In May this year, a couple from Canada decided not to reveal their newborn’s gender to anyone, including the grandparents. They said they wished for their child, Storm, to choose who and what s/he wanted to be. Their decision, they said, was “a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm’s lifetime (a more progressive place?).” A step too far? Many of us probably think so. However, while it does seem far-fetched that a baby could be influenced by gender stereotypes, a recent Irish study indicates that girls and boys have well-established ideas about what is suitable behaviour for their sex and that this starts well before the age of nine “probably in the cradle”.

Gender identity
Traditional stereotypes of boys playing football and girls wearing princess dresses are as pervasive as ever, according to research into Ireland’s nine-year old population. In general, the boys who were interviewed explained how other boys “played football and rugby” while girls “did ballet”. Only boys said they wanted to be chefs and footballers, and only girls wanted to be hairdressers and nurses. Even though the research was carried out in Ireland, we can assume that children in the UK have similar attitudes, given that our cultures are so alike.

And while the study’s authors acknowledge that biology plays a part in influencing girls and boys activities, with boys being physically stronger than girls, “biology does not explain a disposition to like pink and to be able to manage a Hoover [a vacuum cleaner]. It doesn’t explain why boys see school as more for girls and why all boys seem to feel obliged to be fanatical about football.”

Social and cultural influences
Influences such as fashion and television as well as attitudes of their parents/elders are no doubt responsible for children’s concepts of gender. The way in which women and men are portrayed by our consumer culture makes it difficult for parents – and by implication, their children – to avoid stereotyping. When babies are first born they are met by a parade of pink or a barrage of blue. And it continues thus. While we may consider ourselves liberated from antiquated notions of what a woman or a man “is” or “does”, traditional stereotypes still hold sway as the Irish study highlights.

Does it matter?
What are the implications for our children now and in the future? When one considers that figures for the UK as well as Ireland show that girls’ participation rates in sport falls well short of boys’ and that girls outperform boys in education then findings such as these give cause for some concern.

How can we help?
While it is not possible for us as parents and childcarers to change the one-dimensional versions of female and male proffered by our consumer culture, we can do our best not to impose limits on children as to what they can or cannot do. This involves giving your girls the option of playing with toys or participating in activities that are usually associated with boys and vice versa. As the co-director of the Irish study, Prof. Sheila Greene puts it, “When stereotypes are given full rein, children’s choices and their freedom to be the person they want to be can be curtailed.” We may not go so far as to hide the gender of our children, but we can help our children explore every aspect of themselves regardless of gender.

Mums At Work

Mums at Work

We hear a lot in the media these days about put upon working mums and the pressures they face, even in 2011, trying to combine a career with raising a family. Allison Pearson’s 2002 novel “I Don’t Know How She Does It” about a harassed working mother has now been made into a film starring Sarah Jessica Parker. A decade on, Pearson’s portrayal of a professional woman multi-tasking and tying to juggle family life with a career is still relevant. Let’s examine some of the issues facing working mothers in particular and see what needs to change.

“Having it all”

We’ve written before about the American study that deems “having it all” impossible. Its findings show that the so-called “supermoms” who try to be fantastic at work and at home put themselves under too much pressure and are more likely to succumb to depression. By comparison, those working mums who are more “realistic” and recognise that they cannot do it all fare much better.

In the opening scene of “I Don’t Know How She Does It” the protagonist, Kate Reddy, is in the kitchen furiously bashing shop-bought mince pies in an attempt to make them look homemade. It’s a very funny scene but it also pinpoints the societal pressure on women to work both the domestic and the professional. Hopefully, ten years on, most women have learned to accept that they can’t do it all. Outsourcing the household chores as much as is financially possible as well as educating one’s partner to see childcare as a shared responsibility goes some way towards helping ease the burden. Allowing a certain amount to slide is also an option! We can neither have it all nor do it all.

Staying put

In the trailer for “I Don’t Know How She Does It”, SJP’s character manically makes lists, rushing from the office to home while a neighbour tells her she and her kids “just fooled about in the park today”. When the pressures of juggling work with running a household and looking after the family seem overwhelming, it’s tempting to think that staying at home would be a doddle by comparison. But research shows again and again that work is good for women. Jamie Oliver, quoted in The Sunday Times Magazine at the weekend says that as he sees it, the women “that are most happy are the two- to three-dayers. I see both models of mum [those that work and those that stay at home] and definitely the ones that remain engaged, vivacious, humorous, have got the mechanism of work in their lives”. So according to Jamie, and others, there is a middle way.

Making it work

The fact is most women nowadays want to go out to work as well as have a family. Many have to in order to pay the bills. Excellent childcare is a must and NannyJob can help you in your quest to find the right nanny. If you wish to share a nanny and cut down on your childcare costs then that’s also an option.

And while it’s true that a good nanny will definitely lighten the working mum’s load, other things come into play too. A recent discussion on Radio 4’s “Women’s Hour” suggested that men were at the heart of any change in working practices amongst women. Having your partner share in household duties as well as getting them to share pick-ups and drop-offs will help. In the debate about rising childcare costs, we most often hear about women quitting their jobs because their take home pay after childcare means “it’s just not worth it”. Surely the childcare costs should be deducted from the parents’ joint income? Childcare needs to become the domain of men as well as women. And of course it’s not going to be perfect. Your partner may not do things exactly as you do; however, once again, being realistic is most important. With your partner’s cooperation, life is made somewhat easier for you.

Work life balance

Women need to remember too to slot in some “me time” in their busy lives. Merely getting out and going for a walk with a friend is good for your health and wellbeing. Prioritise this. The old adage “what’s good for mother is good for baby [or child]” is true.

So working women are under pressure – as are working men, we’ll leave that article for another day. What’s new you say? Accepting our limits and learning to compromise and assert ourselves will bring us some way towards harmony at home and at work.

Learning to Say “No”

Four years ago, UNICEF caused a stir with a report that ranked British children as the unhappiest in the industrialised world. Now it has compared the experience of children in the UK with that of their counterparts in Sweden and Spain – countries that came in the top five – in an attempt to discover why. Again, the UK is found wanting. The research suggests that parents lose out on spending time together as a family, due in part to long working hours, and often try to make amends by buying their children designer goods and toys.

“Brand bullying” pressurises parents
“Parents in the UK almost seemed to be locked into a system of consumption which they knew was pointless but they found hard to resist,” said Agnes Nairn, the report’s author.”While children would prefer time with their parents to heaps of consumer goods, parents seem to find themselves under tremendous pressure to purchase a surfeit of material goods for their children,” she added.

Family interaction and outdoor play
Interestingly, children told researchers that their happiness was dependent upon spending time with family and friends and having “plenty to do outdoors”. The report also criticized British parents for using television “as a babysitter” and for allowing children to play computer games for long periods, depriving them of fresh air.

Looking to Spain and Sweden
Of course, there are dangers in over-interpreting international quality-of-life tables, as there are with interpretations of league tables of all kinds. Countries and cultures differ, and what works in one place, may not work in another. And it is a fact that our economy is dependent upon us purchasing material goods. All the same, it is worth considering the study’s findings and what it says about our attitudes to bringing up children. The study found that in Spain and Sweden, family time is prioritised and people feel less pressure to own material goods. Their example might give food for thought to British families.

How to?
So how do we squeeze in time with our children and not give them as much “stuff”?  Sure, the government and employers need to do their bit to help parents better balance work and family life through more flexible and generous parental leave and flexible working. But what can we do in an effort to stop our children becoming increasingly materialistic? We need to learn to say “no” more to demands for new gadgets and/or games. This will entail spending more time with our children, rather than giving a toy to keep tears or a tantrum at bay. Or explaining to them that they can’t always have everything they want even if it is the latest item/fashion accessory that “all” their friends have. Its harder work and more difficult for us to learn when most of us have the means to pay for it. We’re not saying it’s easy!

Learning how
Think about the benefits of your child not always getting what they want. Hearing “no” now and again teaches children to be motivated, appreciative, happy human beings. To many, MORE is always better. However, if this is true then there will never be enough – because someone will always have more than you do. Constantly giving in to your child’s demands robs them of the opportunity to develop motivation and drive in their own lives. Instead they grow up over-valuing things – but lack the drive to work for those things – yet feel entitled to them and even expect things should come easily.

There is a wealth of information available on this topic in parenting books and on the internet so we’re not going to expand on it here. It seems sometimes that parents are forever being blamed for not doing enough for their children, but rather than reacting negatively to the UNICEF study or simply ignoring it, it may be helpful for couples to consider whether they might spend a little more time with their children rather than giving them things. And spending time outdoors is good for adults as well as kids. So let them run around a bit in the fresh air and you get out too. Take it easy!