Category: parents

Nanny envy

“I’m worried she likes her nanny better than me…” 

“They behave so perfectly for their nanny and are monsters when I’m around!”

“My nanny sees my friends more often than I do.”

If you’ve ever felt this then you’re not alone. You’re suffering from nanny envy and it’s actually surprisingly normal, even natural, to feel this way. Nor is it confined to having a nanny – you may well feel the same way about your child’s attachment to a childminder or nursery nurse. So why does no-one ever talk about it?

Part of the problem is admitting that you’re envious of your nanny means admitting that you’d rather be at home with your children, and that might be seen as regretting your decision to work. It isn’t a binary situation, though, and the decision to work depends on many factors ranging from financial necessity to keeping your sanity intact. Your feelings may also change from one day to the next and higher levels of nanny envy just after your return to work or just after the weekend are normal too. How you feel towards the relationship your nanny has with your child probably also varies according to how you feel about your job. When you have a bad day or you don’t go into work staying at home seems the more attractive option and jealousy towards to person who gets to do that can creep in.

A bit of jealousy definitely isn’t a reason to reconsider your childcare choice. There are huge benefits to having a nanny, and one of those is in fact the strong bond that your child will form with her carer. If your child wants her nanny when nanny isn’t around try to see it as a positive sign of attachment. Your nanny will probably tell you that your child periodically requests you when you’re at work too. Children are well known for wanting what they don’t have after  all.

It’s also well known among nannies and experienced employers that children will behave very differently for different people so if your little princeling eat his greens and naps in his cot for his nanny but refuses to eat anything except  pasta and requires cuddles lying across you when you’re around you aren’t doing anything wrong. Part of it is down to experience on the nanny’s part and part of it is your child feeling safe and secure enough to test the boundaries and express his affection, in some cases by literally smothering you.

So how canyou combat these feelings?

Try to  disentangle your feelings towards your work life and your feelings about your nanny. If you resent going to work rather than leaving your children, which are very different things, maybe it’s time to reassess your job.

If you feel your nanny is handling your child’s behaviour better than you ask them for some hints and tips. Most nannies are very happy to work with parents to create new strategies for dealing with behaviour as it makes their job easier too in the long run.

Make an effort to see your friends or parents from school socially on a regular basis so you don’t feel like your nanny has replaced you. Also encourage your nanny to create their own social circle if they don’t already have one. It can be nice for your child to keep in touch with other children from your NCT group or equivalent but there’s no reason that it has to be your nanny who goes to the meet-ups. If the other parents typically meet during the week suggest that you organise something at the weekend, and nothing is stopping you from going out for a meal or a drink without the children in the evening.

Be open with your nanny about it. They may be inadvertantly making the situation worse so tell them how you feel to avoid them treading on your toes. A good nanny will be sensitive to your feelings and mindful of the fact that you are the parent and nothing can replace that.

Giving Our Children Time

There is pretty much a ‘How to Book’ about everything and for Parents, as well as nannies, this is most certainly true! From how to get a newborn to sleep through the night, to potty-training, to raising a well-rounded child. There is a plethora of information in books and on the internet.But some experts think that spending time playing with your child is the key to the rounded child. They suggest parents adopt a “five-a-day” approach with daily activities to help children reach their full potential.

There is pretty much a ‘How to Book’ about everything and for Parents, as well as nannies, this is most certainly true! From how to get a newborn to sleep through the night, to potty-training, to raising a well-rounded child. There is a plethora of information in books and on the internet.

The “five-a-day concept”

But some experts think that spending time playing with your child is the key to the rounded child. They suggest parents adopt a “five-a-day” approach with daily activities to help children reach their full potential. The five steps are as follows:
• Read to your child for 15 minutes
• Play with your child on the floor for 10 minutes
• Talk with your child for 20 minutes with the television switched off
• Adopt positive attitudes towards your child and praise them frequently
• Give your child a nutritious diet to aid development

How realistic is it?
Most parents will immediately add up the time involved: a whole forty-five minutes. In addition, there is the time it takes each day to provide nutritious meals. Particularly in households where both parents are working, couples will struggle to put aside this amount of time to play with their children after getting home. It is the dilemma facing every working parent: how to devote enough time to their children, while juggling career demands with household chores.

Doing It All Proves Impossible
In 2020 79% of mothers worked full time compared to 10 years previously when only 29 per cent did, a massive increase. And studies undertaken in America found that “supermoms” who try to “do it all”, are at greater risk of depression. Although employment is ultimately beneficial for women’s health, be it part-time or full-time, and mothers do not harm their young children by going out to work, women who try to excel both at work and at home, put themselves under too much pressure.

The Importance of Good Childcare
Is it reasonable then to expect parents to adhere to the five steps outlined above? A child’s parents may not be able to fit in all five activities, but the childcare can be of help. A good nanny will certainly be mindful of spending time playing with children and the importance of creative play in the early years. She should be able to tick the boxes of the playtime activities listed. Not all nannies will be required to provide meals for the children they care for but those that do will probably be instructed by the parents as to what their child is to eat. The fifth criterion, ensuring your child’s meals are health-giving, is therefore the parents’ responsibility. Good childcare then can help parents achieve their child’s “five-a-day”.

A Delicate Balancing Act
Most parents worry at one time or another that they are not doing enough by their children. The reality is, whether you are a parent in the home or working, most of us try our best to provide for our child and to give them as many opportunities for growth as possible. Both the “five-a-day” concept and the “fifteen minutes” approach can help guide us at least. And that goes for child carers too. Parents cannot always do it all, but they can ask that their childcare professional, their nanny for instance, ensures that their child is adequately attended to during the day and that there is plenty of one-to-one interaction. As parents, we cannot always do it all but at least we can try.

Fun Activity Ideas for Children to Do on Mother’s Day!

“A mother is like a flower, each one beautiful and unique.”

With Mother’s Day coming up on Sunday 19th March, we’ve put together some fun activity ideas for children of all ages to create something special.

Continue reading “Fun Activity Ideas for Children to Do on Mother’s Day!”

How to recognise when your nanny’s had a bad day

I’m sure we’re all familiar with those days that just don’t quite go to plan. You know the ones. Maybe the weather’s bad, one of the children is unwell or the television stops working. Any one of these can turn an okay day, into a really bad day where nothing gets done and you just want to collapse at the end of it.

How would you feel then if your partner or significant other came home to what they deemed a messy house and asked you what you’ve been doing all day whilst they’ve been at work?

Continue reading “How to recognise when your nanny’s had a bad day”

Car Safety Advice for Nannies

A typical aspect of being a nanny involves driving the children you care for to and from activities, appointments, grocery shopping etc.

As a child-carer, your job involves catering to the well-being of the child in your charge. You need to have certain safety measures in place to ensure that everyone makes it from point A to point B safely.

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Do you begrudge your nanny a coffee?

Who pays for your nanny’s coffee when she’s out and about on work time? Does it matter where she is?

Saying yes, all the time means that, unless your nanny is restrained, your kitty expenses are likely to be high, and you may end up resenting paying your nanny to sit in coffee shops and drink coffee that you pay for, even if it is naptime or while your offspring go to ballet/Brownies/boxing. Very few nannies take advantage of their employers’ generosity in this regard, but small expenses certainly mount up, and sitting in coffee shops can easily become a habit rather than an occasional treat even when your children are older.

Most employers place limits on consumption out and about, either to a certain number of meals/trips per week or to specific locations such as soft play areas, which (terrible as the coffee is there) are barely tolerable without some form of beverage. The occasional lunch in a restaurant or coffee and cake in a café teaches children valuable social skills such as interacting with waiting staff and eating quietly and tidily and should generally be encouraged from time to time. A couple of coffees a week is a small price to pay for the goodwill it will get you in return.

Never allowing your nanny the odd coffee, especially at inflated soft play prices, is likely to breed resentment in the other direction. You may have a hard time understanding why you’re paying your nanny to drink coffee and watch your child play but if the choice is between paying for the coffee and denying your child the opportunity to scramble around in a relatively space environment, you’ll probably pick the coffee, because if you don’t pay then your nanny will either seethe quietly or just not go. How do you cope with the mine field of who pays for coffee / lunch if you are out and about with your nanny family? We’d love to hear your thoughts

The True Meaning of Christmas

Amid the shopping, toys, hustle and bustle of Christmas time, it is easy to forget the
real meaning behind it all. Children become carried away with the excitement of the
promise of new toys (and who could blame them?), and parents become fixated with
preparing for the day itself.

It seems that most of us could benefit from taking some time out from the hype as the
big day approaches.

So how can we ensure that we, and our children, remember what Christmas is really
all about?

Giving
The theme of giving runs strong at Christmas. We all know that presents are usually a
substantial part of Christmas excitement – whether we are excited to give or receive.
It’s natural to be excited about receiving gifts, and this shouldn’t be shamed or
quashed – however, placing an emphasis on giving is a wonderful thing also. There
are some really great ways you can do this for children:
• Together with the children, choose some old toys to donate to a charity shop,
refuge or children’s home. This will not only teach the children about the
value of giving to those less fortunate, but it will make space for the new toys
they will get at Christmas. However, the toy-donating shouldn’t be forced, as
it could be very traumatic for a child to unwillingly give away a much loved
toy. They should be able to give freely, or choose not to, or it defies the point
of giving in the first place.
• Encourage children to choose gifts for their siblings and friends themselves,
rather than relying on you to do so.
• Bake some Christmas-themed biscuits, mince pies or other treats together and
take them to a local old people’s home to give out to the residents. Some of
the residents will have few visitors at Christmas time, smiling children bearing
baked goods is bound to cheer a lonely heart.

Family
Christmas truly is a time for family – whether they are blood relatives, or our chosen
family. Today’s world is a big one, and families are often scattered across the globe
rather than living in close-knit communities. If this is the case for you, encourage the
children to make Christmas cards for absent friends and family members who cannot
be with you at this special time of the year. You could even organise a Christmas
carol sing-along over webcam for family members living abroad.

Christmas can also be an emotional time for families who are, sadly, missing some
members. Many people traditionally remember their loved ones who are no longer
with them with small ‘memorial services’ at home. This can be a great way to help
children grieve healthily. Grief is a powerful emotion, and children need to know that
they can express their grief openly with the support of their parents.

So, if you’re feeling the Christmas anxiety creeping in, try to relax and remember
what it’s all about. And most importantly, enjoy yourself!

The Greatest Gift You Can Give This Christmas is Your Time

Forget the presents, simply be present this Christmas!

Think about it honestly. How many times have you noticed yourself being with your child, but you’re not fully engaged? Maybe you were on your phone checking social media or emails. Perhaps you were simply running through all the things you still need to do to prepare for Christmas. Being there, but not being present is something we’re all guilty of occasionally, but Christmas time brings with it a real opportunity to make a change.

Continue reading “The Greatest Gift You Can Give This Christmas is Your Time”

Spooky Fun This Halloween!

Autumn is well and truly here in all it’s rainy finest! To many of us this may induce a collective ‘sigh’ as the nights draw in and we begin to dig out last year’s coats and SADS lamps (or maybe just us here at Nannyjob?!), but for others it means one thing – Halloween fun is just around the corner!

Scary outfits, parties, trick or treating, face painting, spooky decorations and pumpkins all spring to mind, so we’ve got some fantabulous ideas for you and your little ones to make this Halloween the most ghoulish yet!

Party fun

Staying at home and having a party is arguably safer than being out trick or treating, and is also a great chance to get little buddies round to play.

Decorate the house with streamers and props of skeletons and spiders, our favourites are from http://www.sillyjokes.co.uk/occasion/halloween/decor.html.

As well as rocking their very own home made outfits (more on that in a minute!), you can get the kids involved in some spooky games, including:

  • Apple bobbing
  • Wink murder
  • Making mummies (remember to stock up on loo roll for this one! Prizes go to the quickest or best attempt!)
  • Pin the tail on the witch’s cat
  • Halloween treasure hunt in the house or garden
  • Pass the pumpkin (fill an empty pumpkin with treats and play this in the same way as pass the parcel, each time the music stops the winner takes a goody out of the pumpkin, treats getting bigger towards the end!).

Face painting and costume making

Whether your little one wants to be a ghoulish ghost, a wicked witch, a scary skeleton or something entirely different, there are hours of fun to be had designing and making the costumes with them, and going to town with face painting. Here are some fabulous costume ideas from one of our favourite sites, Netmums:

Scary Spider

This an easy costume that’s really effective. Dress your child as a ‘scary spider’ using a black hoodie, black trousers, and black shoes. Make four more legs using two pairs of child’s tights and stuffing them with old stuffing from a pillow.

Grim Reaper

See if you can track down a cheap black hooded cloak from the supermarket to go over the body. Gather up the hair in a white swimming cap. Using face paints,cover your child’s face in white, rimming the eyes black. The final addition is a long stick (perhaps an old walking stick or a broom handle?) onto which you stick a cardboard ‘scythe’ – an easy take on the Grim Reaper!

Walking dead

A nice easy one, adaptable for both boys and girls! Simply get some old clothes and tear holes and rips in them. Cover exposed skin in fake blood. You could also buy some fabric bandaging to wrap around hands and heads (splatter with fake blood for extra effect)! Faces should be daubed in white face paint and powder, with a smattering of blood here and there!

Trick or Treating

Last but not least, classic Halloween fun usually involves traipsing the local neighbourhood and picking up some treats! In these strange times, this is probably something that many of us can’t do or don’t want to do but if you are planning on going out please do so safely and follow the guidance for your Tier. If you’re worried about safety, make sure you or another adult accompany the kids (standing a few feet away of course, so as not to cramp their spooky style!).

A word of advice when out trick or treating – make sure the children understand not to be too serious about the whole ‘trick’ part of this. There are a lot of people who really do get intimidated at Halloween and won’t answer their door, so encourage the children to understand this, and swiftly move on to the next house with no tricks in store!

Make sure you don’t forget to take a fun kitty bag to put all the treats in – decorate yours by sticking on home made pictures of bats, pumpkins and witches!

Have fun and stay spookily safe this Happy Halloween!

Why not share your plans for Halloween on our Nannyjob Facebook page….