Separation Anxiety: When Does It Become A Problem?

The thought of hiring a nanny for the first time can be a daunting one for any parent. Mixed with the added concern about whether or not your child will take well to the nanny (and vice-versa!), the last thing you might consider is whether or not your little one is actually ok with you leaving for work each day – a situation that is probably totally new to them.

You and your child may both experience an element of separation anxiety as and when you return to work, which if course is entirely natural. If, however, you are worried about the level of anxiety your child is experiencing, or if this continues for longer than you think is natural for your child, it may be time to look further into how you and your nanny can help ease the situation.

What is child separation anxiety?

This is a normal part of child development, and can occur from as young as 8months. As the child gets older, it should fade away. Sometimes, however, a child’s fear about separation seems resurface from nowhere after time, or to build up more as time passes. If anxieties are prominent enough to get in the way of school or other activities, this can be a sign that a child has a separation anxiety disorder, and you may want to call on the help of a professional. There are also lots of things that as a parent or a nanny you can do to help.

Some common symptoms of separation anxiety becoming a disorder:

Complaints from the child of feeling physically ill, such as tummy ache or head ache upon separation or just before.
An irrational fear that something terrible may happen to a loved one whilst separated from them.
Nightmares about separation from loved ones.
Fear of going to school or nursery, or a straight refusal of doing so.
Reluctance to go to sleep, for fear of being alone.

Why might my child have a separation anxiety disorder?

Getting to the bottom of the reasons behind a child’s separation anxiety disorder makes you much more likely to help them. The following are common reasons that your child may be experiencing this:

Your anxieties. Parent’s own insecurities and anxieties about separation from the child are felt by your child more than you may think, and it is possible that the child is feeding from them, and learning part of this behaviour from you. Don’t panic if this rings true with you – as soon as you act in a more relaxed way around your child, they should begin to respond.
A change in normal routine – this is likely to be the case if you have recently introduced a nanny and are going back to work.
Any recent stressful situations – this might include moving house, a new sibling being born, falling out with a best friend, or the loss of a beloved pet.

Dealing with child separation anxiety disorder – Tips for parents:

Let your child get to know a new caregiver first. If you need to leave your child with a new nanny who they do not know, give them a chance to get to know each other while you’re still around, so they feel safe.
Create a positive spin. Reassuring your child that mummy and daddy are going away for a little while, but will always be home in a matter of hours, helps to give them something positive to focus on when you leave.
Talk it through. Getting down to your child’s physical level, listening to what they say and explaining that you understand how they are feeling can really help. Just as much as adults, children pick up on when someone is trying to understand them, and are likely to feel comforted by this.
Leave without fuss. Instead of reacting to your child’s anxiety by making a fanfare when you leave the house, kiss them goodbye, tell them that you will be back within a matter of hours and go.
Set boundaries. Make sure your child knows that although you understand how they are feeling and are trying to help, there are also rules that need to be followed.
Give praise. Make sure that any accomplishments, even seemingly small ones like eating all of their dinner, is praised, to help the child feel good about themselves as often as possible.

Dealing with child separation anxiety disorder – Tips for nannies:

Consistency. If you feel that a child you are looking after may have a separation anxiety disorder, try to ease them in to being in your care by continuing as much as possible with any routines they had before. The child is far less likely to feel that things are totally different without mummy or daddy there.
Listen. It’s vital to build a sense of trust up with the child, and making them feel that you want to listen to how they feel and understand them will help them to open up and feel at ease with you.
No distractions. If a child is distressed after a parent has left for the day, explain calmly that you are there to talk to them about their feelings, and give them time to come round, instead of distracting them with something else. The child is more likely to trust you and feel in control of the situation.
Give praise. Just like with parents, children will benefit by feeling a sense of achievement and being praised for any accomplishments.
Stay in control, calm and firm. Make sure the child is aware that you are the boss for the time their parents are away. The separation from their main authority figure is enough for a child with severe separation anxiety, without them feeling as though there is no authority there for them at all.

If you feel that a child is suffering from a case of separation anxiety disorder, and the above tips are not enough to help, it’s best to refer to a GP who can offer further advice.

Summer 2012 Fun Activities With The Kids!

With the days finally drawing out, and the smell of Summer hanging optimistically in the air, comes a wonderful time to think about doing things outdoors with the little ones. However – many of us feel a sensation of mild panic – how will we fill the long Summer days, and make the most of the weeks on end where there is no school or nursery to take over?

Children love being outside when the weather is fine, they can talk louder, jump higher, run faster and get dirtier. So what better excuse to lock away the games consoles and DVDs, and get some good old fashioned colour in their cheeks?! For the good of childminders, nannies and parents alike, here are our top ideas to keep children of mixed age groups occupied in the great outdoors (good old Blighty weather-dependant of course!):

Nature Drawing

If you have some woodland locally, or would prefer to just explore the garden, this is a great opportunity to wander around with sketchpads and take advantage of getting children to draw what they see. Whether it is sketching flowers, worms, trees or simply scribbling with some colour pencils for smaller tots, this is a lovely way of getting their creative juices flowing. This is also a great way to teach children the names of trees and flowers at the same time, and gives them something to stick on the wall once they get back inside.

Host your own back garden Olympics!

What better an activity for this Summer, whilst the professionals are battling it out in London, why not get into the spirit in your own way by setting up an Olympics style tournament for the children? The back garden, or local park are perfect locations, and kids will love choosing what ‘events’ they would like to compete in, be it running races, jumping into a sandpit, throwing bean bags as far as possible or whatever ideas they have! From making signs, leader boards and marking out tracks, there are many hours of fun to be had and you are sure to have stress-free bed-times after all the exercise!

Teddy bears picnic

No matter how many children you are responsible for, a teddy bears picnic is a great way for them to feel that their friends are included – whether they are fellow play mates, or a host of teddy bear friends! Set up beside a big tree for shade, cover picnic tables with gingham table cloths, and have large picnic blankets for the kids and their special friends to sit on. Make sure you send each special teddy his own invitation, and make place name cards for each one. Make some simple teddy ears for each child, by attaching ovals of brown felt to basic headbands, and paint the end of each little nose with black face paint, to make them really feel like one of their fluffy friends. Oh, and don’t forget to sing ‘If you go down to the woods today….’

Cycling

What’s that saying again – once you learn how to ride a bike you never forget?! Well, prove that you haven’t by hiring bikes with the kids and going on a designated route, or simply hitting the park for the morning. If you look after children who are too small to ride, bikes with baby seats are available to hire, and mean that everyone can be involved. www.cyclehireinfo.com offers great information and advice about hiring bikes all over the UK.

Whatever you decide to do, make sure you get out there and enjoy the good weather whilst its here! Why not let us know what you plan to get up to by posting your summer activities onto our Facebook page?

Could You Be a Childminder?

If you are reading this, you may be considering becoming a childminder. But how do you know if it’s the right career choice for you?

Many stay at home parents choose to become childminders so that they can continue to care for their own young children full-time (rather than going back to work), and then continue their childminding career long after their own children have grown up and moved out. Many other people choose childminding as a career even if they haven’t had their own children. Being a childminder can be an incredibly fulfilling and enjoyable career choice, but it’s not for everybody.

This article has been written to give a clearer picture of what life is really like as a childminder, and to help you decide whether you are cut out for the busy and varied lifestyle that being a childminder brings.

What Do Childminders Do All Day?

Well, they certainly don’t sit down watching the children play all day long! Childminders are like stand-in parents, doing all of the things that a mother or father would do should they be home with their children. Childminders focus the majority of their energies and time on playing with the children in their care, and instigating educational and enjoyable activities. Childminders also need to keep their own homes reasonably tidy throughout the day (well, as tidy as is possible with several small children in the house), prepare meals for the children in their care, do school runs and other errands, as well as completing paperwork. So as you can see, there’s not a lot of time left for sitting down!

Could I Be a Childminder?

Before you start thinking seriously about whether being a childminder would work for you, you need to ask yourself these questions:

-Is your home suitable?

Many people believe that in order to be a childminder, your home must be spacious with a large garden. This simply isn’t the case. Lots of childminders have small houses, and houses without gardens. You simply need to be able to demonstrate that any children in your care will have lots of opportunities for exercise and fresh air – so if you have a local park, playing field or other accessible outdoor space, you will be fine. You can even mind children if you don’t own your own home – you just need permission from your landlord first.

-Is there a local demand for childminders?

This may seem like a very obvious question, but it really is one worth thinking about. Good childminders are indeed like gold dust, but some areas have more childminders than others. There is little point in setting up as a childminder in a town where many other childminders are struggling to find work, unless you feel you have something to offer that puts you above the competition.

-Do I have the right personality?

If you genuinely enjoy spending time with children, have a good imagination and sense of fun, and you’re motivated to facilitate learning and exploration of the world, the chances are you would make a great childminder. You don’t need to have had your own children to be a childminder, but childcare experience is invaluable to figuring out whether you would enjoy a career looking after children.

How to Choose a Childminder

Choosing a childminder for your children can be a difficult task. Finding a childminder who you and your child click with, and who can provide childcare at the times you need it, isn’t always easy.

It can also be difficult to know which questions to ask when meeting a prospective childminder. Following is a list of tips that you may find useful.

The First Visit

When you visit, take your child. Allow the childminder to interact with your child and observe how your child reacts to them. It may take your child a while to warm up to them, but the childminder should be open, friendly and non-pressuring. Talk to the childminder before the meeting to arrange a time when you will be able to stay for a decent amount of time – 1 to 2 hours – as this will give your child a chance to get acquainted and for you to get a better idea of whether they will be a good fit for each other.

What to Ask

Don’t be afraid to ask as many questions as you wish – a good childminder will be happy to answer any you may have and to help you feel at ease when making your choice. You may wish to ask questions such as –

Will they provide food for your child, and if so, what kind? Do they provide cooked meals, or simple snacks and sandwiches?
What kind of discipline methods do they use, and how they would deal with certain behaviours (such as snatching, hitting and other normal behaviours for young children)?
How much time do they generally spend out and about with the children? Do they visit the park/play in the garden/go on outings to local places of interest?
Do they drive?
How many children will they generally have in their care when they will have your child?

You will also wish to enquire about costs. Childminders generally charge around £3-£4 an hour. Some will make additional charges for food and drink, whereas others will include a certain number of meals and snacks in their costs. The childminder will have a sheet or two that you will be able to take home which will have detailed information about costs, notice periods, what will happen in the event of sickness and what you will be expected to provide (spare clothing, sunblock, etc).

And, of course, you will need to find out whether or not your chosen childminder will be able to look after your children at the times you need. Good childminders are often well-booked, and have waiting lists, so it is important that you start to seek a childminder with plenty of time to spare if you are returning to work, for example, after maternity leave.

Avoiding Problems

As with any professional relationship, being upfront and honest from the beginning is the best way to avoid problems later down the line. If you have any doubts about a childminder, don’t feel pressure to hire her because you gave her the impression you would when you met. A good childminder will fully understand the importance of your decision and will certainly have no hard feelings if you choose to go with somebody else – after all, your child’s well-being is the most important thing.

Childminding: Rainy Day Ideas

Childminding can bring some challenging times, especially on those days when evacuating to the garden or local park is not an option. Childminders will often be responsible for children of different age groups, so it is vital to have some ideas up your sleeve to help keep them occupied (and to avoid going stir crazy!).

On that note, here are a few suggestions of activities do engage the children in whilst childminding that can be easily adapted to different age groups.

Play Dough

Home made play dough is quick and easy to make, completely non-toxic and a joy to play with. I challenge you to think of one child (or indeed, an adult) you’ve met who doesn’t enjoy a good dough squishing session!

There are many different recipes you can use to make play dough for use while childminding, with varying levels of success. The following recipe is pretty reliable and makes a large amount of dough. You could even split the mixture and make two different colours!

You will need:

3 cups water
3 cups flour
1.5 cups salt
6 teaspoons cream of tartar
3 tablespoons oil (any cooking oil will do)
Food colouring (you’ll need more than you think to get a vivid shade)

Simply combine the dry ingredients (sieving the flour first), before adding plenty of food colouring to the water & oil mixture. Add the liquid mixture to the dry ingredients gradually, stirring throughout. Transfer the mixture to a saucepan and stir over a low heat until the mixture leaves the sides of the pan and takes on a nice doughy texture.

This play dough will keep for a long time if stored in an airtight tub in the fridge. Try adding rice or lentils for an interesting texture for little ones, or even throw in some glitter! Older children will enjoy making the dough with you, or you can easily make it the night before for ease’s sake.

Finger Painting

Everybody loves finger painting. Very young ones adore the feel of the paint on their hands, and older ones can get creative and make beautiful pictures to take home with them. Finger painting is messy, though, so it may be a good idea for childminders to pre-warn parents that they plan to do it, so they can provide old clothes for the children to change into for the activity. Putting newspaper down is a very good idea, too. Messy play can be a bit of a challenge for the adult in charge, but it’s well worth it for the learning experience that the children will get.

Indoor Picnic

You’d be hard pushed to find a child who doesn’t love picnicking. Picnics in the garden are lovely, but if the weather isn’t accommodating, bring the picnic inside! Make a finger-food lunch together with the older children – sandwiches, breadsticks, houmous with vegetable dippers, crisps, cut up apples and cupcakes are all good choices – and take the plates of food to a blanket on the floor. The children will love helping themselves to their lunch, and the novelty of eating on the ground can be enough to convince even the fussiest of eaters to dig in. For extra fun, make a canopy with a sheet laid over the back of some chairs.

Childcare: Which Provider is Right for You?

Childcare is something that nearly all parents will have to consider at some stage. Nowadays, most parents need to work at least part-time, or they may choose to work. Even those that are full time stay-at-home parents will probably need to utilise the services of a childcare provider at some point during their children’s lives.

There are lots of options available to choose from when it comes to childcare. In this article, we will go over the commonly available childcare providers in the hope that we will make a sometimes-difficult (and often emotional) decision a little easier.

Childminders

Childminders are self-employed childcare professionals who look after children in their own homes, from very young babies to pre-teens. They are usually able to provide flexible hours, and are sometimes able to pick up and drop off children, which can make life a little easier for a busy working parent. Childminder rates across the country vary, but the average is £3.84 per child per hour. The benefits of using a childminder are many, especially for the child who will usually find it easier to settle in than they would at a nursery.

Nurseries

Nurseries provide childcare to many children at once. They generally accept children from a few weeks old, until the age of four. The children are usually cared for in large groups, with the babies being kept separately from the older ones. Many parents prefer to have a childminder or nanny to provide childcare for their little ones because the busy environment of a nursery can be too much for a baby or toddler. However, some children thrive on the stimulating and structured environment of a nursery – it all depends on the child’s individual temperament. Nursery fees vary, but for a child under two it can cost £177 per week for a full-time place – even more in inner London.

Nannies

Nannies provide childcare in the child’s home, and usually live on-site. You would be the nanny’s employer, and therefore would be responsible for paying her tax and NI contributions. Nannies are a popular childcare choice with parents who both work long hours. They are generally the most expensive childcare provider, with their take-home wages ranging from £280-£380 per week. Many parents see this as a small price to pay to have their childcare provider on site, available for unsociable hours if she is needed (although her hours will need to be agreed upon in advance and contracted). There is also an emotional benefit to the children, who will be looked after by the same person each day in a familiar environment.

Au Pairs

Au pairs are usually the cheapest childcare option, as they don’t generally charge a real wage. They will live in your home, so you will be required to feed them and house them, as well as paying them pocket money of a minimum of £65 per week if they are working 25 hours. Au pairs come from other European countries, and come to the UK on au pair schemes to improve their English whilst doing some babysitting to earn money. They will also usually do some housekeeping. Au pairs should be treated as part of the family rather than an employee, and they shouldn’t be required to work the same long hours of a nanny because they need time to study.

Jobs in Childcare

Childcare refers to supervising or caring for children under the age of eight years. It is also called early childhood education or early years education due to an increased awareness of the impact of early experiences of a child on his or her psychological development. With governments spending more on creating early childhood workforce to improve the quality of support young children receive; a lot of jobs in childcare are opening up.

Jobs in childcare are diverse and offer different roles and working environments. On a broader level, jobs in childcare can be divided into two categories – home-based care such as nannies and family care and centre-based care such as day-care and preschool.

Different levels of qualifications are needed to work at various stages of career in early years and there is a range of training and education available to help you qualify and pursue part-time or full-time jobs in childcare.

The Children’s Workforce Development Council regulates the statutory framework and qualifications norms required for various jobs in childcare in United Kingdom. Training starts from Foundation Level (also called Level 1) to Foundation Degree (Level 5). Level 6 is the gold standard for people working with children and is called EYPS or Early Years Professional Status.

Working with children can be a rewarding one but almost all jobs in childcare demand high energy levels. While it is fun playing with young children, you need to take your job seriously. You must always keep in mind that their parents have entrusted them to you and you are responsible for their safety and well-being.

Work as a Nanny

Becoming a nanny can be a satisfying career and it lets you contribute to a child’s learning and development. The responsibilities of a nanny may vary from one household to another depending on how you negotiate with the child’s parents but the basics remain the same. Normally you are expected to provide care for the child, mentally stimulate them by playing and reinforce appropriate discipline. You may also be required to cloth them, prepare meals and do the laundry.

Although nannies are largely female, male nannies or mannies are also not uncommon. These jobs can be part-time or full-time or on a live-in or live-out basis. Many parents and nanny placement agencies prefer you to have a professional childcare qualification such as Level 3 Diploma for jobs in childcare as defined by Children’s Workforce Development Council.

Work as a Childminder

The roles and responsibilities a childminder are similar to a nanny except that they work in their homes instead of the child’s home. They must have a professional qualification recognised by the local authority and must hold a paediatric first-aid certificate. They must register themselves with OFSTED or the Office for Standards in Education, Children’s Services and Skills. A childminder can only take care of a maximum of six children.

Work in Playgroups or Pre-schools

Pre-schools provide early education to children aged two to five years. They primarily focus on building social and educational skills in children through play and play-based activities. Pre-school education improves the confidence in the young children and helps them adapt faster to a school environment. This segment offers the most number of jobs in childcare.

Playgroups generally operate for about two to three hours during school term time. Playleaders or the people who take care of children in preschools are required to have at least a Level 3 qualification as defined for jobs in childcare by Children’s Workforce Development Council.

Work in Nurseries

Nurseries may operate as voluntary or community organisations or private business or as a part of a school. They vary greatly in size, handling about 15 children to around 100 children. There is greater emphasis on educational play and child development than childcare alone.

Normally you can join a nursery as a trainee nursery assistant without a childcare qualification but to progress further in the career you need a minimum Level 3 qualification. With adequate experience and proper qualifications, you can move up to become a qualified nursery assistant, supervisor and finally a manager of the nursery.

Pink Princesses and Mucky Boys

Which one are you?
Perhaps you’re one of those parents (is it mostly mums?) who encourage their little girl to dress up as a princess or a fairy; nowadays it’s not unusual to see girls wearing these kinds of costumes, particularly at Birthday parties and other celebrations. Or perhaps you’re a parent who has decided to take a stand of sorts. You’re determined to see to it that your little girl isn’t given a princess dress and you encourage her to muck about and play with trucks as well as dolls; you say you don’t want her becoming too much of a “girlie” girl. This approach to bringing up girls might not influence their behaviour as much as you think. Recent research indicates that traditional stereotypes of what it is to be a girl or a boy are deeply ingrained in our culture.

This article takes a closer look at this study, undertaken in Ireland, and concludes by suggesting how parents and childcarers can help children pursue interests they enjoy regardless of whether they are considered “girls” or “boys” activities. First, let’s look at the lengths a Canadian couple has gone to in order to ensure that their new baby is “free” to behave as s/he wishes, unconstrained by society’s expectations of how s/he ought to be.

A “gender-free” baby
In May this year, a couple from Canada decided not to reveal their newborn’s gender to anyone, including the grandparents. They said they wished for their child, Storm, to choose who and what s/he wanted to be. Their decision, they said, was “a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm’s lifetime (a more progressive place?).” A step too far? Many of us probably think so. However, while it does seem far-fetched that a baby could be influenced by gender stereotypes, a recent Irish study indicates that girls and boys have well-established ideas about what is suitable behaviour for their sex and that this starts well before the age of nine “probably in the cradle”.

Gender identity
Traditional stereotypes of boys playing football and girls wearing princess dresses are as pervasive as ever, according to research into Ireland’s nine-year old population. In general, the boys who were interviewed explained how other boys “played football and rugby” while girls “did ballet”. Only boys said they wanted to be chefs and footballers, and only girls wanted to be hairdressers and nurses. Even though the research was carried out in Ireland, we can assume that children in the UK have similar attitudes, given that our cultures are so alike.

And while the study’s authors acknowledge that biology plays a part in influencing girls and boys activities, with boys being physically stronger than girls, “biology does not explain a disposition to like pink and to be able to manage a Hoover [a vacuum cleaner]. It doesn’t explain why boys see school as more for girls and why all boys seem to feel obliged to be fanatical about football.”

Social and cultural influences
Influences such as fashion and television as well as attitudes of their parents/elders are no doubt responsible for children’s concepts of gender. The way in which women and men are portrayed by our consumer culture makes it difficult for parents – and by implication, their children – to avoid stereotyping. When babies are first born they are met by a parade of pink or a barrage of blue. And it continues thus. While we may consider ourselves liberated from antiquated notions of what a woman or a man “is” or “does”, traditional stereotypes still hold sway as the Irish study highlights.

Does it matter?
What are the implications for our children now and in the future? When one considers that figures for the UK as well as Ireland show that girls’ participation rates in sport falls well short of boys’ and that girls outperform boys in education then findings such as these give cause for some concern.

How can we help?
While it is not possible for us as parents and childcarers to change the one-dimensional versions of female and male proffered by our consumer culture, we can do our best not to impose limits on children as to what they can or cannot do. This involves giving your girls the option of playing with toys or participating in activities that are usually associated with boys and vice versa. As the co-director of the Irish study, Prof. Sheila Greene puts it, “When stereotypes are given full rein, children’s choices and their freedom to be the person they want to be can be curtailed.” We may not go so far as to hide the gender of our children, but we can help our children explore every aspect of themselves regardless of gender.