How to Ditch the Working Mother’s Guilt!
As mothers we all carry around a backpack full of guilt. No matter which way we turn or what we try to do, there is always niggles at the back of our minds telling us we should be doing more.
Maybe we shouldn’t return from work exhausted, or linger in the bath that little bit longer just to have a few moments peace and quiet, yet when all said and done, it has been clinically proven that guilt is quite simply a self-indulgent affair.
If you shake your head at this, think about it. Who does it benefit? Why do we feel it? We chastise ourselves for not spending enough time with our children, or for asking the nanny to attend a play, when really the only person it serves to help is us.
By putting ourselves through this mental torture we somehow believe that we are reaping what we deserve for our misdemeanours or failings as parents, yet none of us are failures, and our children would quite happily second that.
Having a nanny or child-minder is a wonderful option that many cannot afford. By developing a close relationship with your child’s daytime (sometimes night time) carer you are providing the next best thing to being there yourself. A good nanny will listen to your worries or fears, and will make sure they spend time researching your child and learning how best to handle them in order to produce a happy, well balanced and disciplined individual.
You little one will be showered with love, rewards, praise and also guidance whilst you are working providing for the family and being the best role model you possibly can. In a lazy nation, with surges of unemployment, bringing up a child that understands the value of working and sees it as a staple of everyday life should eradicate any guilt you may feel as you leave in the morning.
The pressure on us to perform is always immense, outside influences sometimes drip into our psyches and we feel the judgement as if it were tangible, coupled with our own persecutions it’s no wonder we feel wretched sometimes, so the best present you can give yourself is to nip guilt in the bud as soon as it starts to form.
Every parent is different, and no two parents have identical views on how to raise a child, but quite simply if your little one is healthy, happy and secure, you’re doing the best you possibly can.
It’s perfectly natural to feel a little frazzled when you return from work to a child instantly demanding your attention, yet from previous evenings you’ll know this soon dissipates. No matter how great the childcare, or how old the child, even when having the best day of their lives, children will want mummy’s undivided attention as soon as she walks through the door. Some children don’t mind how they receive the attention, they will tantrum, or some will quite simply hug and hug and hug.
However a fabulous trick is to take a breath before you enter the house. If you’ve driven home, give yourself five minutes of uninterrupted peace, listen to classical music or read a favourite book before stepping into your home and your child’s arms fully refreshed and recharged ready for the bedtime routine.