This article examines some of the challenges facing parents in the twenty first century and suggests ways in which we can steer a middle ground, providing our children with a loving upbringing while making time for ourselves as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Parents under pressure<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The byword these days is \u201cpressure\u201d: pressure to be a top parent, pressure to have your children do well at everything. Parents who can afford to do so attend baby yoga and music classes with their newborns. Primary school children attend extra tutorial classes to have the edge on their classmates or simply because working parents cannot spare the time to give the extra help needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Parents matter too<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And while it is a good thing that there are more activities for children from babyhood upwards, it also puts parents under pressure to have their children do as much as everyone else\u2019s. The Irish writer Adam Brophy makes an interesting point in a newspaper article entitled \u201cIt\u2019s not just about the kids, we matter too\u201d, when he says: \u201cWhen did we come to the conclusion that the development of our children\u2019s skill set was the be-all of our existence? What message does it send to drive them from one class or training session to another when all we can manage is to spark the car\u2019s ignition?\u201d It\u2019s not a point of view that we hear voiced very often but doesn\u2019t it strike a chord with many of us?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Previous generations didn\u2019t do as much worrying about their children\u2019s academic or sporting achievements. People didn\u2019t have as much disposal income as parents today and moreover, children weren\u2019t given as much importance as they are now. Twenty-first century parents would find it difficult to envisage a world where children were expected to be \u201cseen and not heard\u201d. Needless to say that particular perspective on raising children isn\u2019t one we\u2019re advocating, however, it\u2019s worth reflecting on the fact that as we have become better off as a society, we are giving a lot more to our children, both in emotional and material terms and often feeling under greater pressure as a result.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The extreme focus on early childhood<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A recent conference at the University of Kent examined what organisers called \u201cthe extreme focus on early childhood\u201d. Academics argued that parents of babies and toddlers, mothers in particular, are subject to ridiculous levels of pressures to \u201cget things right\u201d which leads to \u201cunwarranted anxieties and guild\u201d. Led by John Bruer, author of The Myth of the First Three Years, they said claims of the importance of parental connection in the early years have been hyped and that social policy focusing on the parent-child bond is \u201ca waste of resources\u201d. Parents, and especially mothers, will more than likely welcome the fact that they need not feel guilty about having to leave their child in the care of someone else while they work; nor will they \u201cfail\u201d to give their child a head start if they don\u2019t sign up for various baby and toddler classes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
UNICEF study<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When a recent UNICEF study found that British parents tended to overload their children with material goods to make up for not spending enough time with them, the journalist and broadcaster Mariella Fostrupp wrote in The Observer: \u201cNo offence to Unicef but a UK riddled with shopaholic parents trying to assuage their consciences with expensive toys for their unloved children is one I don’t recognise. Most people I see are struggling to pay their utility bills let alone splash out on Xboxes. The vast majority are simply battling to make ends meet\u201d. And she rubbished the notion that our consumer culture was to blame for parents\u2019 neglect of their children in this way: \u201cOur entire financial system is built on our ability to work and consume to keep the economy afloat. And now we’re in the wrong for buying the odd toy for our kids?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A good enough parent<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To conclude, parents can only do their best. And to borrow the paediatrician Donald Winnicott\u2019s phrase, being a \u201cgood enough\u201d parent really is \u201cgood enough\u201d. Rather than placing undue pressure on ourselves \u2013 and our children \u2013 to \u201cget it right\u201d, we can be good parents by spending time with them and allowing them room to develop their own interests. And by the same token we need to allow time for ourselves \u2013 as individuals and as partners in a relationship. That\u2019s a topic for another day!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This article examines some of the challenges facing parents in the twenty first century and suggests ways in which we can steer a middle ground, providing our children with a loving upbringing while making time for ourselves as well. Parents under pressure The byword these days is pressure: pressure to be a top parent, pressure … Continue reading “Being a good enough parent in the 21st century”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2703,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,9],"tags":[23,77,100,375,378,509],"class_list":["post-2707","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-childcare","category-grandparents","tag-21st-century","tag-challenges","tag-children","tag-parenting","tag-parents","tag-upbringing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nannyjob.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2707","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nannyjob.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nannyjob.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nannyjob.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nannyjob.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2707"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.nannyjob.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2707\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nannyjob.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2703"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nannyjob.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2707"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nannyjob.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2707"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nannyjob.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2707"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}