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How to stop your nanny having an affair with your partner (or you)

2015 November 13

Poor Gwen Stefani, betrayed by one of the people she should be most able to trust. Her nanny’s behaviour was by any standard unacceptable, and parents and nannies alike aren’t backward about coming forward to say so.

Let’s start by saying that this post has nothing to do with nannies for the most part. It’s got nothing to do with whether your nanny is tall, short, slim, plump, dark, fair, male, female, young or more mature. Very few parents set out to have an affair with their nanny. Preventing affairs has everything to do with relationships. To stop one kind of relationship (a romantic one) you need to keep an eye on three.

You and your partner

If your relationship with your partner is weak, then there’s nothing you can do to stop him or her looking elsewhere. It could be far from home, it could be at the office, it could be next door. Taking care of your relationship is the single most important thing you can do to ensure your partner stays faithful. That means open and honest communication, being responsive to their feelings and making an effort to spend time together doing enjoyable things at a minimum. The moment a relationship feels like a chore is the moment you’re tempted to stop working at it and start looking elsewhere.

You and your nanny

A nanny who likes and respects his or her employer is unlikely to want to hurt them, which an affair would. A nanny who feels liked and respected as a professional is more likely to keep to the boundaries of a nanny-employer relationship with both employers.

Your partner and your nanny

If your partner and your nanny spend a lot of time together it’s almost inevitable that some kind of friendship will spring up, and it would be odd if they didn’t find things in common. Don’t be paranoid, do be reasonable. If you get the sense that your partner and your nanny are a little too close then talk to your partner first. As the employer they have the power in the relationship, not to mention a responsibility to prevent even a whiff of sexual harassment. Point out that some words or actions might be misinterpreted without any note of accusation. It’s more than probably unintended, but if it’s not then it may give them pause for thought.

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