Most of us when referring to our own parents would describe them as strict or easy going but over recent years new parenting styles have begun to emerge and parenting has become a bit of a minefield and depending who you talk to you either feel you are doing a brilliant job or are the worst parent out there!
Here are the top 5 parenting techniques currently doing the rounds, which one are you?
This style of parenting tends to follow how you where bought up, the things that you felt your own parents did well or badly influence your decisions on what you do. You feel what is right for your child and family rather than follow the pack and what the ‘experts’ say is the right thing to do. If, for example, you always went to Cornwall for a week at Easter and this was a happy memory of your childhood you are much more likely to carry on that tradition than consider doing something different.
Parents who support the theory of attachment parenting tend to be more emotionally involved with their offspring. They always make themselves emotionally available to their child and believe that this bond makes a child more secure, more compassionate and calmer. The child is often carried closely, and they are usually breastfed until they are much older than the average child. Attachment parenting usually involves home schooling, co sleeping and positive discipline.
The phrase ‘helicopter parent’ was coined in 1990 by child development researchers Foster Cline and Jim Fay and was used to describe parents who constantly interfered with their children’s lives and development, they ‘protected’ them from hurting themselves by not allowing them to climb the slide on their own or run ahead or play out doors without an adult in constant supervision and as the child grew they would micro manage their homework or projects never allowing the child to fail or make a bad decision. Obviously, we all want to protect or children from harm, but this form of parenting tends to smoother the child’s independence and can backfire later in life when they are young adults and struggle to make decisions and are often still very reliant on their parents.
How many of us have said ‘because I say so’ or ‘my house, my rules’? Authoritative parenting is a parenting style characterized by high responsiveness and high demands. Authoritative parents are responsive to the child’s emotional needs while having high standards. They set limits and are very consistent in enforcing boundaries. However, research has shown that this form of parenting tends to produce the best all round child. Expectations are high for the child to achieve, behave, follow the rules but the child knows where they are and understands the boundaries. The parents are loving and nurturing and understand that the child needs to become independent whilst setting rules and expectations authoritative parents use reasoning and allow give-and-take discussions. Authoritative parenting should not be confused with Authoritarian parenting which tends to be more neglectful and colder.
Permissive parents tend to be very loving but do little to set boundaries or encourage discipline, they often have more of a ‘friendship’ with their children than a parent / child relationship and are dismissive of immature or irresponsible behaviour citing ‘children will be children’ rather than explain what appropriate behaviour might be. Permissive parents are often overindulgent towards their children, they are often inconsistent in their parenting style and are not adverse to resorting to bribery to get a child to do what is required of them. Expectations of achievement are often lower with permissive parenting which can lead to children under achieving as parents are happy to just let them get on with it and do as much or as little as they want to.
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Thousands of grandparents caring for their grandchildren over the summer holidays could be missing out on the chance to boost their future State Pension.
Many working-age grandmothers and fathers could qualify for Class 3 National Insurance credits for looking after children aged under 12 – which can be used to top up their income in retirement.
Half of Britain’s 7 million working-age grandparents have a grandchild under the age of 16.
Applications for NI credits for caring for children under 12 need to be made to HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC) and must be signed by both the adult carer and the Child Benefit recipient. Applications need to be made after 31 October following the end of the tax year in which the caring took place.
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The BAPN you see today isn’t a ‘New BAPN’, it’s more a grownup BAPN, changing with the times, developing to meet the needs of a more discerning, sophisticated nanny who quite rightly expects so much more than social get togethers or signposting to help, advice and support. They’re busier than ever before and they favour having everything in one place; to know where to go to for quick, reliable, trustworthy employment support, advice, discounted products and services they can afford.
BAPN hasn’t changed its remit, set up all those years ago, we’ve always offered high quality support and services. However, the most significant addition we have introduced, is our personal representation cover for when things go wrong.
Being a nanny can be thrilling and the most rewarding job you’ll ever get to do. However, caring for someone else’s children can leave you extremely vulnerable, you can feel isolated at times and unsure of your facts be it a childcare issue or regarding your employment rights. A Nanny might find themselves facing an accusation of some kind or with a battle on their hands to recover unpaid salary or wrongful deductions for example. Whether a Nanny needs a second opinion, some reassuring advice or requires support and personal representation, wherever they are in the UK, BAPN can now act on their behalf. We can now be there, in person, fighting their corner. Nannies tell us that it is this addition to the array of member benefits that has made them look again at BAPN and to join us.
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Recent years have seen a soar in the popularity of Hypnobirthing. Perhaps once thought of as a bit ‘woo’ or ‘hippy’, more and more expectant parents are now tapping into the mind:body connection and learning simple yet powerful relaxation techniques to prepare for their baby’s birth. So, what are the benefits: –
- Confidence for pregnancy and birth (for mum-to-be AND her birth partner)
- Flexibility during labour and birth
- Informed decision making
- Relationship with midwives/doctors
- Higher Apgar score
- Bonding with baby
- Ease of breastfeeding
- Smoother transition to parenthood
- Fears, anxieties and tension
- Need for medicated pain relief
- Requirement of medical intervention
- Length of labour
- Caesarean rates
- Length of stay in hospital
- Recovery time after birth
- Incidence of post-natal depression
How does it work?
A Hypnobirthing course can be seen as a complete birth toolkit. It teaches simple but specific self-hypnosis, relaxation, breathing and massage techniques for a safe, calm and gentle birth. Simply put, the more relaxed and calm you can be in labour the more in control and positive you will feel.
Hypnobirthing also helps dads and other birth partners understand their role and feel confident about the practical and emotional ways they can support their partners.
It is for all types of birth?
Yes! The techniques are invaluable regardless of the setting, or the way in which your baby enters the world. In fact some of Hypnobirthing’s greatest advocates are those who, for varying reasons, had surgical births. The techniques that they had learned equipped them with the tools they needed to relax, remain calm, and enjoy a positive experience where they still felt in control.
The very point of the techniques is that they work when things are going ‘to plan’ as well as when things may take a turn ‘off plan’: what happens during your birth experience is less important than how you feel about what happens.
Whilst Hypnobirthing doesn’t promise a natural pain-free birth, it does give you the best possible chance of having a straight-forward, vaginal birth, and an experience that you will remember with only positive memories.Sarah teaches in Reading Berkshire. She has worked with many couples to transform their mindset from feeling apprehensive and fearful to feeling prepared, supported, relaxed and excited, and go on to enjoy a birth experience that is positive, empowering and calm.