Paternity Leave – Do Dads Get A Fair Deal?

When it comes to statutory paternity leave, how happy are we as parents? The lines in which specific gender roles once fitted have become less and less defined over time when it comes to work and child rearing, so what was once seen as a bonus amount of time for daddy to spend with his new baby, can now be seen as unfairly short.

The first few weeks of a baby’s life bring about some of the most precious moments we will ever spend with them, as well as probably one of the biggest culture shocks! Most parents would agree that having both of them around at this time to support one another – as well as baby, is hugely important. So with paternity leave at a standard of 2 weeks against the 52 weeks that mums get for maternity leave, do dads get a tough deal from the government?

Research in 2010 showed that new fathers with long enough service at a company were entitled to £124.88 a week for two weeks paternity leave, or 90% of their average weekly wage if that was lower. Assuming a 40 hour working week, this figure came in far below the minimum wage!

It’s a very confusing message to the modern dad… one who is made to believe that ‘co-parenting’ and working spouses each taking equal roles in child care are the done thing. Indeed just 29% of people now believing that parenting is solely a mothers job. Yet fathers are given little or no choice over how much time they can spend away from work and with his child at the beginning of this ‘equal’ new role he and his spouse have taken.

Damion Queva, owner of top dad’s magazine FQ, can see an argument from both fathers and an employers view points:

“There are a lot of very good businesses which already allow paternity leave beyond the statutory minimum. They recognise that a happy employee with a good work life balance will be a loyal employee… At the same time, I think it is reasonable for workers to give plenty of notice, clear their desks before they go off, maybe come in a bit earlier and leave a bit later before their leave starts.

“Times have changed, and so have our priorities, but that applies to employers as well as their employees.”

Are you a Dad who wishes for more paternity leave? Are you a parent who has come up with an innovative way round this problem that you’re willing to share?! Either way, post a comment to the blog or our Facebook page with your thoughts…

Childbirth: 5 Benefits Of Being A ‘Stay At Home’ Mum

Hands up if you spent a toe-curling hour of each Wednesday night over the last few months glued to the TV set, watching from behind a pillow as the ever popular ‘One Born Every Minute‘ quite literally delivered step-by-step, real-life, and often very graphic footage of hospital births into your front room … ?!? And hands up if watching it has made you ask yourself whether or not your next (or your first) child would be born on a maternity ward, or actually born in the comfort of that very aforementioned front room?!

There is still a huge proportion of women who opt for home births instead of hospital births, for a number of different reasons.

Throughout human history, women have always given birth in a familiar place, especially in the days when giving birth in a hospital, with it’s incredibly high infection rates, was more dangerous than at home. Not until almost 1940 did hospital-birth mortality rates in the Western world drop below those of home deliveries.

Even now, babies are still born at home in most places around the world. Although the move from birth at home to the hospital started in the 18th century, giving birth at home was the most common way in most countries until around 1950.

5 Benefits of modern day home birth:

One on one midwifery care. You get to know your midwife and know that she will be the person delivering baby, instead of whoever is on a hospital maternity ward on the day of your labour.
Start as you mean to go on. Other family members can be present, and the environment that you have set up for your new arrival is the one that he will immediately sense as he enters the world.
Less anxiety for you. You’re at home, in familiar surroundings, without hearing the cries of other labouring women or feeling any ‘white coat syndrome’. To some women this in itself can make all the difference to their decision.
Less pain for you. Of course, you may be laughing out loud at this sweeping generalisation of probably one of the most painful experiences a woman ever goes through, but it is proven that being in familiar surroundings gives women more control over how to deal with labour pains. There is then less chance of them producing the adrenaline hormone, which interrupts labour hormones and actually causes labour to be slower and more painful.
Lower rate of postnatal infections for both you and baby. It’s now considered an urban myth that you are safer giving birth in a hospital than at home. Low risk mums with straightforward pregnancies are deemed to be as safe at home as in hospital.

Needless to say, there are situations where expectant mums do not have the choice and need to give birth in a hospital environment, be it that she needs a cesarean, has had a higher risk pregnancy in some way, or due to not having suitable facilities or space at home.

For more information on birth or to find out if home or hospital is right for you, visit www.nct.org.uk, where you can find a wealth of information and help.

Separation Anxiety: When Does It Become A Problem?

The thought of hiring a nanny for the first time can be a daunting one for any parent. Mixed with the added concern about whether or not your child will take well to the nanny (and vice-versa!), the last thing you might consider is whether or not your little one is actually ok with you leaving for work each day – a situation that is probably totally new to them.

You and your child may both experience an element of separation anxiety as and when you return to work, which if course is entirely natural. If, however, you are worried about the level of anxiety your child is experiencing, or if this continues for longer than you think is natural for your child, it may be time to look further into how you and your nanny can help ease the situation.

What is child separation anxiety?

This is a normal part of child development, and can occur from as young as 8months. As the child gets older, it should fade away. Sometimes, however, a child’s fear about separation seems resurface from nowhere after time, or to build up more as time passes. If anxieties are prominent enough to get in the way of school or other activities, this can be a sign that a child has a separation anxiety disorder, and you may want to call on the help of a professional. There are also lots of things that as a parent or a nanny you can do to help.

Some common symptoms of separation anxiety becoming a disorder:

Complaints from the child of feeling physically ill, such as tummy ache or head ache upon separation or just before.
An irrational fear that something terrible may happen to a loved one whilst separated from them.
Nightmares about separation from loved ones.
Fear of going to school or nursery, or a straight refusal of doing so.
Reluctance to go to sleep, for fear of being alone.

Why might my child have a separation anxiety disorder?

Getting to the bottom of the reasons behind a child’s separation anxiety disorder makes you much more likely to help them. The following are common reasons that your child may be experiencing this:

Your anxieties. Parent’s own insecurities and anxieties about separation from the child are felt by your child more than you may think, and it is possible that the child is feeding from them, and learning part of this behaviour from you. Don’t panic if this rings true with you – as soon as you act in a more relaxed way around your child, they should begin to respond.
A change in normal routine – this is likely to be the case if you have recently introduced a nanny and are going back to work.
Any recent stressful situations – this might include moving house, a new sibling being born, falling out with a best friend, or the loss of a beloved pet.

Dealing with child separation anxiety disorder – Tips for parents:

Let your child get to know a new caregiver first. If you need to leave your child with a new nanny who they do not know, give them a chance to get to know each other while you’re still around, so they feel safe.
Create a positive spin. Reassuring your child that mummy and daddy are going away for a little while, but will always be home in a matter of hours, helps to give them something positive to focus on when you leave.
Talk it through. Getting down to your child’s physical level, listening to what they say and explaining that you understand how they are feeling can really help. Just as much as adults, children pick up on when someone is trying to understand them, and are likely to feel comforted by this.
Leave without fuss. Instead of reacting to your child’s anxiety by making a fanfare when you leave the house, kiss them goodbye, tell them that you will be back within a matter of hours and go.
Set boundaries. Make sure your child knows that although you understand how they are feeling and are trying to help, there are also rules that need to be followed.
Give praise. Make sure that any accomplishments, even seemingly small ones like eating all of their dinner, is praised, to help the child feel good about themselves as often as possible.

Dealing with child separation anxiety disorder – Tips for nannies:

Consistency. If you feel that a child you are looking after may have a separation anxiety disorder, try to ease them in to being in your care by continuing as much as possible with any routines they had before. The child is far less likely to feel that things are totally different without mummy or daddy there.
Listen. It’s vital to build a sense of trust up with the child, and making them feel that you want to listen to how they feel and understand them will help them to open up and feel at ease with you.
No distractions. If a child is distressed after a parent has left for the day, explain calmly that you are there to talk to them about their feelings, and give them time to come round, instead of distracting them with something else. The child is more likely to trust you and feel in control of the situation.
Give praise. Just like with parents, children will benefit by feeling a sense of achievement and being praised for any accomplishments.
Stay in control, calm and firm. Make sure the child is aware that you are the boss for the time their parents are away. The separation from their main authority figure is enough for a child with severe separation anxiety, without them feeling as though there is no authority there for them at all.

If you feel that a child is suffering from a case of separation anxiety disorder, and the above tips are not enough to help, it’s best to refer to a GP who can offer further advice.

How to Choose Independent Midwives for a Home Birth

Independent midwives are becoming a popular choice among pregnant families. Many mothers feel safest in the hands of midwives who do not have to deal with the problems of understaffing in NHS hospitals, and prefer the more personal approach.

Independent midwives are generally most popular amongst women who want as natural a birth as possible. Childbirth is seen as an important rite of passage by many women, so it’s understandable that they wish to hire midwives whose ideals mesh with their own.

So, how do you go about choosing your midwives? Here are some of the things you would want to consider.

What are their perinatal mortality and morbidity rates?

Perinatal mortality and morbidity are the statistics that you should be concerned with when choosing your midwives. The terms cover death or serious injury in late term pregnancy, during birth and the immediate postpartum period. Of course, some deaths cannot be avoided, but you will want to know whether their statistics are within normal ranges.

What is their transfer rate?

Many people who are hoping for a home birth will look for the midwives with the lowest transfer rate. A low transfer rate is good for those who are seeking a natural home birth, but you should also look at this number in conjunction with their perinatal mortality rates. A low transfer rate coupled with a higher than average perinatal mortality rate is a sign that you should run for the hills.

What are their feelings towards natural birth?

If it is important to you to have a natural birth – and if you’re seeking a home birth, that’s most probably the case – you will want to be in the hands of midwives who believe in natural birth as much as you do. Finding a balance is hard sometimes as midwives are medical professionals first and foremost – their primary concern is your health, and the health of your baby. You cannot expect professional midwives to agree to attend a home birth if the risk of danger to you or the baby is too high. Of course, your eligibility for home birth will depend on many factors such as any previous pregnancy complications, your distance from the hospital and how many children you have had. Again, balance is the key. Try to find midwives who are passionate about, and trust in natural birth and its benefits, without being too dismissive of the fact that sometimes complications occur despite all our hard work in preparing.

What happens if you need to transfer?

You will need to know what happens if you end up having to transfer to hospital. Will your midwives accompany you? And in what capacity will they accompany you? Usually, they will accompany you in the capacity of a doula (a labour and post-partum support person) but you will need to check this before the birth.

What happens if your midwives aren’t available?

Babies rarely come when they are expected to, and sometimes emergencies will crop up that mean your midwives won’t be available to attend your birth. Make sure that they have a contingency plan. Usually there will be many midwives within a private practice, but make sure that there will always be somebody available to come to you.